day 3

fell asleep to kate bush and woke up to kate bush. had vivd dreams, dark but adventurous, playful and exciting, like an indiana jones/into the void mash-up about a person consistently running away from me and towards me simultaneously.   

the power of the unconscious to bring itself into consciousness without our control should never be taken for granted. certain people have a way of bringing this out in others, their mark permanent even if they are long gone. when you encounter people that do this, understand that they are either your greatest ally or worst enemy. its important to know which one because that decision will determine who you become. we must also be aware that we are potentially doing this to others at any point through the actions we take, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. beauty can be found in this, deeper than any other, but so can real evil...

in cases of significant social and emotional trauma, the key to overcoming the pain of those memories is to talk through them entirely with all involved. otherwise you create a self-made image of the situation that is not grounded in actual reality. you then have the potential to bring those traumas back to the surface at any moment. if you are not fully informed you may not understand that you are even doing it or think that you have overcome it through sheer will... worse yet, this opens you up to be manipulated or act as a manipulator of core emotional constructs. 

I've just made my apartment feel expressive and interesting from how it has been, which has been neglected. I walk in and feel potential of positive growth, whereas before I walked in and felt domination of self - damnation. Uncle has been having some kind of night terrors occasionally ever since I moved in where he runs back and forth through the place, some kind of broken energy with no expression... however; now I can sense the change in him. last night was true peace.

I feel more grounded to a place than I ever have in my life outside of childhood or my teenage years. over the next few years here my haul will be brought to shore, and this is exciting.