day 1

woke up, felt good about the koax show at san loo the night before. no recognizable dreams. it snowed enough for me to spend a few minutes outside to appreciate it. spent most of the day on my bed with my computer working on my spotify playlist, beginning to see that as a good outlet to organize my music tastes and highlight new things i find or remember. enjoying organizing it so that it flows in a way that represents human understanding of the world and the different moods and shifts that can occur naturally. still very under-developed but its a good starting point. spent considerable time listening to jordan peterson lectures and then some time watching the irish version of buzzfeed on youtube. it felt socially fulfilling in some empty way. i was very much against the entire thing as i watched it; the chosen archetypes of normal or cool irish people doing things like eating american bbq for the first time or drinking foreign soda. its interesting to see how mundane our culture has become, and its necessary to experience it for what it is, but i cannot imagine being apart of that. i feel compelled at times to watch or experience these things not out of wishing to be like the people, but in order to gauge the current level of consciousness in the general zeitgeist of the world. there is an idea of "normality" being expressed in the chosen personality types of the people on the panels. its why these video types are so popular, discovering identities, or appreciating the identities of different cultures. thats all good, but it also destroys the truth inherent in these ideals. it manufactures an image of cultural norms to make the general populace feel at ease... something that feels so meaningless to me, based entirely on a lack of real connection with the world around you. and yet, at times of deeper listlessness, these videos awaken me to who i am again.