day 19

there is no reason not to let it go 

the only reason is a lack of understanding in how to incorporate it with your current experience 

***

there is a reason to let it go

the reason is understanding how to incorporate it with your current experience 

day 18

you take it too far

you build a web for yourself 

you think you are in the right 

you think you will always be right 

you accept you are wrong and know yourself to be right in doing so

you have to stop 

you have already been there so many times

you know what to do 

and if you don't

you better

 

(the opinions shared here do not reflect)

day 17

the end of the world is such a tantalizing subject because i know the end is the beginning

 

overexcited people with absolutes in their newsfeeds so afraid to touch sorrow 

day 15

becoming conscious is remembering through time -through generations of being that manifested so that you are who you are in this precise moment 

the longer you go the more you remember- the choice comes from how to remember most truthfully.

 

the past never changes, but our perception of it does. 

 

this has happened before

day 14

Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

 

I just had a dream I met jordan peterson. he was cold and distant towards me, despite my knowing that if I actually met him, it would be at least neutral and at most engaging. i was watching his latest lecture on the psychological significance of the bible as I took a nap and had the dream. he was talking about noah and the flood.

last night i had another dream where i met someone from woke reality from my past who had been very distant and cold towards me more often than not, but in the dream we were very close and it felt real and warm and it was my birthday and I lived with a demented middle american family. I was being saved by this person who never actually did so. it was the manifestation of my idealized version of reality. it was interesting.

last night before i went to bed I was a little drunk and took a melatonin and told myself, "i want to dream"

day 13

welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement welcome judgement 

day 12

no matter how many forms used, if the source of the product isn't fully investigated, the buildings will fall. the gold will crumble when adhered to dirt. the structure must withstand all and be made of nothing before it is moved into. 

day 8

the energy from unknown encounters, reminiscent of past experiences, is new.

the peace of being who you are in a mutual moment is right.

day 7

view your entrance in

to all situations that happen

ouwourfnilwngrlaksjdvnlkjansilfubanliwrgunalsifngjlasneifubsfgnjalsknglias vlawbfjasndgliunasiugbarbgiaskjdv askvjasldufnasdubgaskdnflasidubgasdngliasdnfuasd fasdufhasdohasdofnadsofnasdf

no one wants to actually know it

day 6

the numbering is arbitrary. 

getting the idea through that psychic energy is real and can be used for despairing purposes is an important one to consider. most people only think of, or wish to think of, the free light emanating from the ideal in their heads, no matter how ignorant or dangerous that may be. feel real psychic pain, real chaos, and meet it. there is no overcoming, and that is real. until you die, which is liberation, but in no way negates the chaos. the chaos is necessary for freedom, because it eats you and you become something else, and that something else is freedom. 

day 4

birds chirping. I dislike cool people most of the time. a loss of information for the sake of manipulation. generalizing 

day 3

fell asleep to kate bush and woke up to kate bush. had vivd dreams, dark but adventurous, playful and exciting, like an indiana jones/into the void mash-up about a person consistently running away from me and towards me simultaneously.   

the power of the unconscious to bring itself into consciousness without our control should never be taken for granted. certain people have a way of bringing this out in others, their mark permanent even if they are long gone. when you encounter people that do this, understand that they are either your greatest ally or worst enemy. its important to know which one because that decision will determine who you become. we must also be aware that we are potentially doing this to others at any point through the actions we take, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. beauty can be found in this, deeper than any other, but so can real evil...

in cases of significant social and emotional trauma, the key to overcoming the pain of those memories is to talk through them entirely with all involved. otherwise you create a self-made image of the situation that is not grounded in actual reality. you then have the potential to bring those traumas back to the surface at any moment. if you are not fully informed you may not understand that you are even doing it or think that you have overcome it through sheer will... worse yet, this opens you up to be manipulated or act as a manipulator of core emotional constructs. 

I've just made my apartment feel expressive and interesting from how it has been, which has been neglected. I walk in and feel potential of positive growth, whereas before I walked in and felt domination of self - damnation. Uncle has been having some kind of night terrors occasionally ever since I moved in where he runs back and forth through the place, some kind of broken energy with no expression... however; now I can sense the change in him. last night was true peace.

I feel more grounded to a place than I ever have in my life outside of childhood or my teenage years. over the next few years here my haul will be brought to shore, and this is exciting. 

day 2

we all have the potential for freedom in how we shape each other. this is a freedom that exists a priori our socioeconomic status - a priori our cultural relevance... all people must grasp this concept in order to live harmoniously devoid of machinations. 

day 1

woke up, felt good about the koax show at san loo the night before. no recognizable dreams. it snowed enough for me to spend a few minutes outside to appreciate it. spent most of the day on my bed with my computer working on my spotify playlist, beginning to see that as a good outlet to organize my music tastes and highlight new things i find or remember. enjoying organizing it so that it flows in a way that represents human understanding of the world and the different moods and shifts that can occur naturally. still very under-developed but its a good starting point. spent considerable time listening to jordan peterson lectures and then some time watching the irish version of buzzfeed on youtube. it felt socially fulfilling in some empty way. i was very much against the entire thing as i watched it; the chosen archetypes of normal or cool irish people doing things like eating american bbq for the first time or drinking foreign soda. its interesting to see how mundane our culture has become, and its necessary to experience it for what it is, but i cannot imagine being apart of that. i feel compelled at times to watch or experience these things not out of wishing to be like the people, but in order to gauge the current level of consciousness in the general zeitgeist of the world. there is an idea of "normality" being expressed in the chosen personality types of the people on the panels. its why these video types are so popular, discovering identities, or appreciating the identities of different cultures. thats all good, but it also destroys the truth inherent in these ideals. it manufactures an image of cultural norms to make the general populace feel at ease... something that feels so meaningless to me, based entirely on a lack of real connection with the world around you. and yet, at times of deeper listlessness, these videos awaken me to who i am again.